Suicide is never something a person should ever have to deal with in life. I have been depressed/suicidal most of my life, and it is beyond an immeasurable pain. I believe these thoughts came from a combination of abuse being a person with Asperger’s.
I could easily blame my parents, but with years of soul searching and learning forgiveness, they had just as many personal issues on their plates. Their lives entangled by families that treated them just as bad.
My mother certainly had a deeper warp of pain and used me to lash out. I doubt very much it was her intent, but I was the target of her anger. My father was quiet and unassuming. He had a temper if he got mad. He never laid a hand on me ever. I felt he knew what my mother was doing and did his best to protect me.
I had written an excerpt in my book about my first attempt at suicide. I am sharing this because I understand what it is to go through these moments and how gut-wrenching and tortuous depression.